is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
