Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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