In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize