Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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