I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
is it fun? or sober?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
