there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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