my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
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