we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
