Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
