wat bout pragnant strippers??
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
