I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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