I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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