I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
