Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
