All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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