:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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