My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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