If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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