kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
