just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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