Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
