like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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