were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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