Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
