I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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