it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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