She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
