mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
