dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What did we do last night that was yellow?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
