You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
