On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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