Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
