So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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