i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
