is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
