he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
