You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
