theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
