I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
