what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
