I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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