Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
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