giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You took a bar mat shot.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
