Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
