This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
