I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
