So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
