So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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