...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
