I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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