Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
