Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
