I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
