So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
