we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
