You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
