I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I will die if light touches me.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
