I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
