I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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