Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
