Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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