hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
