it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Randomize
