Whod you bang
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
