come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
