I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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