cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Randomize
