No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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