Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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