He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
