dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
