I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
