I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
