she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
