I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
