if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
