some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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