I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have feelings that need drinking.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
BRING THE BAGELS
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
