I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize