I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
