Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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