You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm gonna fight the coyote
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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