if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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